The sky was beginning to glow a faint pink as the sun rose, the clouds scooting along the horizon lazily as it's morning glow set them ablaze. Jamie turned his gaze from the window, resting his forehead on his folded arms laying across the table, and sighed heavily. He had hoped to try and get some sleep, but he'd failed miserably. It was a pretty routine thing for him now, especially at times when he was worried about money issues, but that fact didn't make seeing the sun rise with exhausted eyes any better. After the strange encounter with a brother he had thought gone for good, he had tossed and turned all night wondering what it was Mike had wanted to tell him. And after several hours of trying, he gave up and came out to the kitchen to sit and think. Mike had after all driven almost every night from his home several states away to sit in front of their old house for hours. What had he been doing? Trying to work up the courage to confront them? Jamie frowned deeply, he'd always been a coward. He shook his head immediately at that bitter thought, it wasn't true...he had stayed and taken care of Jamie and Jenna for months when their mother had died, and their father was still in a deep coma of mourning. It was something Jamie could never understand that had driven him away, and something that he still retained a childish bitterness about. He peered out the front window, half expecting his brother's car to be there. All he saw were the lights in the McCormick's home, and the tree branches silhouetted by the mist of sunrise.
"Sunrise and Jenna's not awake yet," he mumbled to himself, "that's a first."
He stood up, stretching and rubbing his eyes with a yawn, then headed into the darkened kitchen. His boss had called him yesterday when he was at Marie's, but after all that happened he had completely forgotten to return the call. He dialed the number, sifting back into his thoughts as it began to ring. It was as if every confusing, frustrating, shocking thing that could happen had happened, and all in one day. And even though he probably should have been more concerned with the other events, he couldn't stop wondering if Marie had found the note he left her...
"Hello?" said a gruff husky voice.
"Mr. Stedman?" he replied, woken from his thoughts, "It's Jamie-you called me yesterday. I'm sorry I didn'-"
"Jamie! Listen kid, I've got some bad news..."
Jamie closed his eyes, what else could possibly happen now?
"W-what is it?" he mumbled, resisting the urge to hang up the phone before his boss uttered another word.
"The company is under investigation..."
"Wha-"
"Someone reported us."
Jamie felt the blood drain from his face a bit, knowing what this was about immediately.
"What for?" he asked anyway, voice low.
"For overworking a minor..."
Jamie exhaled heavily, brushing the hair out of his face. He had been working ten to twelve hours a night, and when he had taken off school, sixteen...his boss had been very lenient with him, bending the labor laws so Jamie could work as much as possible. It had been a godsend. So much for that convenience.
"I'm sorry-"
"It's alright kid. I just won't be able to let you work that much any more. Four hours a day on school days, eight on weekends. That's the law..."
"Can I still keep my late hours?"
There was a pause, and a ruffle of paper, "No. No work after nine, and none before seven am..."
Jamie closed his eyes, clenching his jaw in frustration. Who had reported them?
"They're gonna wanna question you-"
"I won't tell them." he replied quietly, "Thanks for letting me know..."
"Wait! I gotta reconfigure your schedule."
"I'll call you about it tonight."
He hung up the phone and stood there for a moment, unsure he wanted to accept what had just happened. What was he supposed to do now? He had no money saved this time...he hadn't thought he would need it. He shouldn't have taken the week off, it was stupid of him. Stupid of him to expect his father would really be staying. He had no choice but to work right after school now, he'd have to sacrifice a lot of time with Jenna, give up the time he spent after school working on his portfolio, he'd have to give up the one acceptable period of time he could spend with Marie...He shook his head, exasperated. The last thing he needed to be thinking about was that. There was enough to worry about aside from a horribly confusing... friend... situation. At least now he would have all night to sleep and paint, though he doubted he would do the former with a measly paycheck coming in.
Jamie spent the rest of the morning logging all of the food they had in the fridge and pantries, checking to see which he could keep for longer, and which they had to throw away quickly. There was nothing more disheartening than having to throw away a part of the meager supplies because it was inedible. They would be okay for a few weeks on what they had, which meant Jamie had time to save up. Just when he was beginning to wonder if his sister was sick, she walked out into the kitchen in her pajamas, rubbing her eyes sleepily.
"I heard yelling!" she pouted, reaching for him to pick her up.
He did so gently, and she cuddled into his shoulder, "You couldn't sleep huh?"
She shook her head into his shoulder, rubbing her nose against his chest. He smiled slightly, "I bet a big bowl of lucky charms will make you feel better banana."
He practically heard the smile light her face again, "Yea!"
"Okay then!" he chuckled, setting her down at the table.
It was already almost seven, they would have to hurry this morning. He probably should have saved lucky charms for another day. It took Jenna an extra long time to eat them, especially because she quite enjoyed picking out all the marshmallows and telling him stories with them.
"So what is it today?" he asked, plopping the bowl down in front of her.
"Well," she began, in utmost seriousness, "today the rainbow went to the moon!" she exclaimed, picking both out and placing them carefully on the table.
Jamie went to sit down beside her, but the doorbell rang. He jumped slightly, utterly surprised. Who on earth could be here? He peered out the window, no mysterious car.
"I'll be right back..." he said quietly.
Jenna nodded absently and continued picking marshmallows out of her cereal bowl. Jamie walked hesitantly up to the door, standing in front of it, thinking on who it could be, and whether or not he wanted to see said person. After peering out the window several times, he realized there was a car in the driveway, a boxy silver one. With a sigh of relief he swung open the door.
"Hey I'm a little e-"
"Josh!" Jamie exclaimed with a grin, "What are you doing here?"
Josh had been spending all and every moment he had out of school in the hospital with Aiden. After the dance fiasco, the school had contacted Aiden's parents and told them the truth. In turn, being the viciously devout catholics that they were, they kicked him out of the house, and a few days later, all four of his brothers attacked him for 'bringing shame to their family'. It was a mess.
"The nurses finally kicked me out," he said stepping inside, "and well so did Aiden. I've been there too long apparently."
"How's he doing?" Jamie asked gravely, extending a hand to take his coat and scarf.
Josh raised his eyebrows with a chuckle, "It hasn't been that long since I've been here."
He hung his coat on the rack, draping his scarf over it and turned back to Jamie, shoving his hands in his pockets.
"A lot better," he replied with a melancholy smile, "he'll be out in a few days, so we've been pretty busy getting ready for it. Then there's the trial happening in a few weeks. Anyway, Mom insists he lives with us. It'll be tight, but we'll manage!"
Jamie grinned, opening his mouth to reply, when Jenna finally noticed who was there.
"JOSHY!" she exclaimed, leaping out of her seat and sprinting into the living room.
Josh knelt down with his arms open, and she plowed right into him, nearly knocking him over.
"Whoa squirt! When did you get that strong?"
"Joshyyy! The rainbow went to the moon, can I tell you the story?"
Josh raised his eyebrows and laughed, "How did the moon get water to make the rainbow?"
She furrowed her brows at him quizzically, then pulled on his hand anyway, “I wanna tell you! Come on!”
He stood and followed her, letting her pull him along. Jamie watched her recite the story excitedly, giggling at Josh's silly remarks. His mind was elsewhere however. Though he hated to admit it, he had come to depend quite a lot on those dinner's at Josh's house, and his mom's forced charity. Just as Josh had said though, it would be tighter now.
"Hey, quit lookin so gloomy over there and join us!" Josh exclaimed, Jenna pulling on his sleeve.
Jamie smiled slightly, "I'll be right there, I'm gonna go change..."
Josh nodded, squinting his eyes suspiciously before returning to the story. Josh could normally tell when Jamie was preoccupied. That was the side effect to being friends with someone for so long, they knew you so well it was hard to hide anything. Jamie walked down the hall, yawning. He would keep it from Josh for as long as possible what with his uncanny sense, the situation they were in now. He had enough on his mind, and with Aiden moving in, hospital expenses, and a criminal trial about to happen, there wasn't much breathing room as far as funds went he was sure. He closed his door as he stepped inside, and leaned against it, exhaling heavily. It was going to be a rough couple of weeks, that much was certain.
Once he was dressed and ready, he and Josh helped Jenna pick out her clothes, which consisted of he and Josh arguing jokingly over it for a few minutes until Jenna finally picked herself, exasperated. As soon as they were ready, they were walking out the door, backpacks and books in hand. Jamie's stomach was grumbling angrily the second they sat in the car. He'd forgotten about breakfast. More food for later, he thought, groaning inwardly when he realized he forgot to pack his own lunch as well. He didn't do well on rushed mornings. They got to Jenna's school first, careful to avoid pedestrians crossing the street as they hurried off to preschool, and per usual Jamie walked Jenna up to the front door, kissing and hugging her goodbye before she ran inside.
When Jamie returned to Josh's car from running Jenna up to the preschool, Josh gave him that look. The look that meant he knew something was up and he was gonna find out. He'd learned it from his mother, and Jamie had seen it used many a time in their long friendship.
"So what's going on." he asked matter of factly.
"Nothing." Jamie said, mustering up the best confusion act he could, shrugging nonchalantly.
Josh raised an eyebrow, "You know you won't fool me."
Jamie looked away, shifting in his seat. It was already failing.
"It's really no big deal, you've got enough on your mind."
Josh put the car in drive indignantly, "Just tell me."
Jamie chewed on his lip for a moment, "My brother stopped by last night."
"WHAT?!" Josh exclaimed, swerving the car into the shoulder for a moment, bumping along for a good few seconds before he regained control.
Jamie was careful not to meet Josh's stunned gaze as he pried his fingers off the car door and recovered from that brief moment of terror. He didn't need to tell the whole truth, partial would do well enough to appease him.
"What...the hell...what the hell did he want?! Four years of no contact and all of a sudden..."
"He said he had something he wanted to tell me." Jamie replied gravely, picking at the upholstery. The car was so old it was beginning to just fall off.
"Oh yea? What was that? Tell you he's sorry while groveling and kissing your feet for being a sniveling selfish coward?"
Jamie looked over at Josh in surprise, he never expected such an acid remark. He’d only expected it to be a bit of diversion that would lead into something other than what was bothering him.
"Don't look at me like that, I still remember how hard it was for you when he left and that was four years ago...asshole..."
"Hey, we had you and your mom, and the McCormicks. We had plenty of help."
"Don't write it off like that, like it wasn't so bad." He exclaimed heatedly, gripping the steering wheel far tighter than necessary, "You were twelve for god's sake, he left you to take care of yourself AND a baby. Who the hell does that!? I hope you tripped him down the stairs and told him to get the hell out of here."
Jamie was silent for a few moments. Josh seemed angrier than he was at the whole situation.
"Still..." he mumbled, after a safe period of time elapsed, watching the trees whiz by. Their branches dipped low with the weight of the newly fallen snow, "I'm curious..."
"And a little bit crazy apparently. You do what you want, but if he'd showed up at my door-"
"Well he won't. And if he's really as cowardly as he seems, he probably won't even come back." Jamie interrupted quickly, "Let's talk about something more pleasant now okay?"
"Okay then." Josh said with a stiff shrug.
There were a few moments of awkward silence while Josh clenched his jaw with frustration. It didn't last very long though, Josh never stayed in a mood for very long.
"So what's been happening since I've been out of the loop?" he said, tone going back to normal again.
Jamie's mind immediately traveled to that utterly confusing out of the blue kiss. He turned away quickly, anticipating the flush in his cheeks as the heat rose in his face. The moment he allowed himself to think on it, even briefly, he had a million questions running in circles around his mind. What was she trying to do? Kissing him when she couldn't even handle being in public with him...and when she was still dating Teddy? He'd never peg her as that type of girl...
"Something that crazy huh?"
"What?" Jamie questioned stupidly, forgetting for a second what they had been about to discuss.
Josh laughed, "You've got a look on your face."
Jamie flushed slightly, half grinning, "I wasn't paying attention I guess."
"Oh my god."
Jamie raised his eyebrows in surprise, "What?"
"You," Josh chuckled, "you are so easy to read."
Jamie blinked a few times, turning back to look at the road, "That's a stop sign-"
Josh shrugged as it flew by, "Don't change the subject. Something happened." Jamie waved in apology to the angry driver they passed as Josh continued unaware, "Something with Marie!"
Jamie whipped his gaze back to Josh in utter shock, "WHAT?"
"Oh please," he replied laughing, "you get that same look on your face every time you talk about her! You are head over heels for that girl and you are totally blind to it."
Jamie gaped at him for a good few seconds, totally stunned by what he just said, while Josh glanced over at him with utmost amusement. Jamie's face was burning so much he was certain he must have been the color of a cherry.
"Even more oblivious than I thought you were." Josh chuckled, "Now pick your jaw up off the ground and tell me what happened."
Jamie turned away from him, staring at the dashboard blindly, trying consciously to rid himself of the ridiculous blush .
"I don’t really even know." he mumbled, slouching down in his seat slightly.
Of all the things going on now, why was this on the surface of his thoughts…
“What, did you two make out or something?”
Jamie stared out the window stubbornly, mouth sealed. Josh leaned over and eyed him suspiciously. It only took a few seconds of studying for him to figure it out.
“Jamie,” he said very seriously, straightening up and returning his gaze to the road, “as your friend I am obligated to tell you the truth.”
Jamie cocked an eyebrow at him, “Oh?”
“Yea… you just, you have no hope in that acting career you were dreaming so fondly of… I’m sorry man…”
Jamie rolled his eyes and chuckled.
“So she kissed you-“ Josh continued nonchalantly.
“Are you even human?!” Jamie exclaimed in disbelief.
“What are you gonna do about it?”.
“How the hell do you do that-“
“Hey, quit tryin to deflect my questions.”
Jamie shook his head, glad he could see the school in the distance. A few more hills and they’d be there.
“Nothing. She’s got a boyfriend.”
“Oh ho… drama…”
“No, no drama, the last thing I need is girl drama.”
“Well,” Josh said, turning solemn, “she obviously really likes you, and you really like her- don’t even try to play it down- but did you tell her yet?”
Jamie picked at the hole in his jeans, “I didn’t think she’d stick around long enough… she just wanted help with her portfolio-“
“Yea well now she wants more then that-“
“I doubt it, she can’t even acknowledge my presence in public.”
“But still,” Josh reasoned, “you’ve only got a few more months and that's it. And if you two care about each other as much as it seems like you do- don’t give me that look you know its true- then you ought to warn her a little ahead of time donchathink?”
Jamie frowned deeply, “We’ll see what happens.”
“You haven’t even told Sam and David yet-“
“I will alright? I will,” he sighed heavily, “I just… I don’t really want to believe it…”
They pulled into the parking lot and drove around in silence for a while, looking for a space. Normally they got there so early no one was there, but today the morning had dragged. When they finally found a spot, Josh pulled in slowly and sat quietly for a moment before turning off the car.
“Eleven years of friendship and it ends because your dad can’t stand that house anymore-“ Josh said solemnly, pulling the keys out of the ignition indignantly.
“Hey,” Jamie said sternly, turning to him, “just because I might be moving doesn’t mean we’re not gonna be friends anymore.”
“Might be? I don’t think your dad would have picked up everything and brought you across the country to live in a house for several months, if he weren’t serious about it."
Jamie exhaled heavily. All last year they had temporarily rented the home his father wanted in Washington. It had been miserable. Not because the man was gone all the time, but because he was home far more often. He and Jamie had fought endlessly over everything, particularly why they should or shouldn't move, and why it had to be so far away. Although Jamie could understand his father's need to leave for the death that lived in that house, he also feared that the moment they left for good was the moment they would forget her... he was already forgetting her. The only place he felt her was in that piano, and his father wanted to sell it with the house. There would be nothing left of her to remember.
"I keep hoping that all that arguing got into his head somehow. Maybe he heard me this time." he muttered quietly.
Josh sighed, rubbing his forehead in frustration, "Jamie, he NEVER hears you. And... while I hate that you're leaving..." he exhaled and continued as if he were forcing the words from his mouth, "maybe... maybe it'll be better for you. If he was home more often, and you weren't killing yourself trying to keep up with bills..."
"I would rather that then leave everyone behind." Jamie replied bitterly, including her...
They both sat in silence for a few moments, watching the other students get out of their cars and walk by chatting merrily. They got a few odd looks as they sat in silence, but neither of them moved to change this fact. That was until they heard the first bell ring. At that they both got out of the car, silenced still, avoiding looking at each-other.
"So you're still applying for the magnet program next year..." Josh said quietly, "you really that hopeful about it?"
Jamie shrugged, "I guess so... he's changed his mind about these kinds of things before."
Josh offered a melancholy smile, "Well, I hope you're right."
When the school bell rang that day, signaling the end to the day, a massive wave of butterflies exploded in Marie's stomach. All day she'd had to think, and not one word of the sentence she wanted to say to him had been composed. What was she going to do? She couldn't just ignore the fact that it had happened, she could barely think about it without her heart racing, and a horribly goofy look crossing her face, which in turn led to that horribly distracting intoxication again. To which Jen had commented several times on.
"What IS it you're thinking about?" she asked again, as she gathered her textbook and shoved it into her bag.
Marie had debated several times with herself how she should go about replying to this, all of which she shot down the idea for right away. She shouldn't jump the gun when she hadn't even told Teddy yet, or knew whether or not this was something she wanted to persue....then again, the moment that feeling crossed her mind was the moment she was sure. It was too bad she couldn't hold onto that moment all the time.
"I was just...thinking about a special kiss..." she said surreptitiously, gathering her books as well.
"Oh really?" Jen said immediately, biting her lip with intrigue, "Tell me about it!"
"I don't kiss and tell." Marie teased, "But um...I've got to meet up with-Teddy. I'll see you later!"
Jen watched her with raised eyebrows as she left the room and headed down the hall quickly. She didn't even care that there were hundreds of eyes witnessing her utter blasphemy as she hurried towards the magnet wing. All she wanted was to know that kiss wasn't a dream...She encountered several very disapproving eyes as she passed, and the deeper she went into unknown during-school-hours territory, the more intense these looks became.
"Hey!"
Marie whipped around, stomach dropping when she saw the owner of this voice. Sam was walking indignantly toward her, David hanging back rolling his eyes as he packed up some video equipment near what she assumed was his locker. Sam was sporting one of those frilly dresses again, black and white, coupled with a ferocious looking chain dog collar. What an odd choice in fashion... but it matched the look on her face completely.
"What are you doing down here?" she spat, eyes narrowed suspiciously.
This certainly wasn't something Marie had calculated when she decided to go to the magnet section so soon after school. She should have known this would happen...
"I'm going to the art room." she replied coolly, holding her sketchbook as close to her as possible, pondering on the many ways she could use it as a weapon.
"What are YOU going to the art room for?"
If I whack her over the head hard enough maybe she'll black out, Marie thought indignantly.
"To draw." she answered, trying to sound as innocent as she possibly could.
Her eyes kept darting down the hall, hoping to see Jamie trudging toward them.
"Sam, leave her alone." David said with a heavy sigh, throwing his bag over his shoulder.
Sam completely ignored him however, a wicked grin forming across her face.
"Oh... I bet your friends don't know you're down here..."
Marie felt the color drain from her face a bit at those words, she wasn't ready for that yet! Maybe she'd made a bigger mistake than she thought. As Sam's smile widened, Marie's mind raced with bribes and excuses and tactics, but not one of them stood strong against that wicked grin.
"I knew it. Too embarrassed to even show your true colors." she laughed, crossing her arms, "You stupid populars are all the same, whether you pretend or not..."
"Sam!"
Marie literally felt the weight lift off her chest the moment she saw him rushing towards them as if ten bricks had been laying across it, Josh followed a few paces behind.
"You don't belong here, so why don't you just leave." Sam said venomously, obviously ignorant to the fact that Jamie was hurrying up beside her.
"I'm not going anywhere." she said, trying to hide the wavering in her voice.
Marie couldn't even begin to explain the relief she felt when she saw the look on Jamie's face upon hearing that exchange. She wasn't sure she had ever seen him that appalled before.
"What the hell is your problem!" he spat back at Sam, stepping between them immediately.
The second Marie caught a whiff of that fresh laundry and oil paint she was immediately at ease, watching the betrayed look sweep over Sam's indignant features.
"What?!" Sam exclaimed defensively, "Look at her! She's embarrassed to be down here! I'm just telling the truth..."
"She belongs here a hell of a lot more than you do! You're no better than Britney, you know that?"
Sam gaped at him, narrowing her eyes until they were snake like slits.
"At least I'm not embarrassed to be myself!" she exclaimed venomously, turning her acid gaze on Marie for a moment before directing her hostility back at Jamie.
"Yea well, the way you act sometimes, maybe you SHOULD be."
Marie's eyebrows shot up in surprise. She glanced at Josh, who was giving Jamie a look like he'd never actually seen him before. And Sam...well Sam almost looked...insecure.
"W-what's that supposed to mean..."
The intense flare of frustration on Jamie's face immediately softened.
"Sam..." he said, exasperated, "I didn't mean to be harsh okay? Marie is my...my friend... I wouldn't let anyone talk to a friend that way-"
"I'm your friend too!"
"And friends tell each other the truth..."
"Yea... now I know what you truly think of me." she spat back, whirling around on her black strappy combat boots and hurrying away.
Jamie was about to run after her, but Josh spoke up, "It probably won't do any good."
"Yea... now I get to hear it from her for the rest of the day." David said boredly, re-gathering all of his film equipment and throwing the bag over his shoulder with difficulty.
Jamie winced slightly, "I'm sorry-"
"It's okay," David said with a shrug, "somebody had to tell her...can't say I expected it to be you."
Jamie laughed, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. They bade David goodbye as he took off, in no hurry, after Sam. The second he was gone Josh turned to Jamie, eyeing the last few stragglers leaving the art room as they passed. All of them stared at Marie for a good long few moments, she was quite thankful for Josh's glares at them in return.
"Jamie!" Josh said laughing as they passed, "WOW! What's gotten into you?"
"I dunno..."
Josh winked at Marie, "I think I do."
Marie felt her cheeks begin to burn as she looked away with a chuckle. Jamie furrowed his brows and looked from Marie to Josh and back again, then shook his head slightly.
"I didn't mean to hurt her feelings..."
"It was necessary! She wasn't always like this and you know it. People change, if it's for the worse they ought to be told about it, and friends should be the first to say it."
Jamie shrugged slightly, "I guess so..."
"Well," Josh said, pulling his keys out of his pocket, "I've got a feeling you've already got a ride home so... I'll see you later! Bye Marie!"
She smiled widely, waving as he left. The second he turned his back and began walking away, Marie allowed herself to be intoxicated again, stepping closer to Jamie.
"We should talk..." she said, voice misty.
A tinge of pink rose in his cheeks as he turned to face her, nodding in agreement. Without a second's thought she reached forward, that tingling sensation dancing over her fingertips as she reached for his hand. When she looked back up to his face he was smiling gently, one corner of his mouth turned ever so slightly more than the other in that endearingly crooked smile of his. She pulled him into the art room, glancing around to make sure no one was there. He started to speak, but she immediately interrupted him with another kiss, and then several more, pulling him closer with the magnetism between their lips. He was so much gentler than she thought he would be, she just couldn't get over it. That fervency that most boys kissed her with was missing, the fervency that meant they wanted something else. All he wanted was this. Waves of that powerful tingling feeling were washing over her, spreading in an explosion from her stomach doing somersaults to the goosebumps traveling up and down her skin , happiness bubbling up in her so deeply that she could not wipe the smile off of her face for it, despite how difficult it was to keep kissing him with it. She brought her arms up around his neck, goosebumps sweeping down them as her fingertips grazed his skin. The touch of his hands on her back sent waves of them up and down her spine, and when he moved one hand up to cup her face, she froze with the utterly powerful sensation. It was as if every single one of the nerve endings in her body were attuned to his touch, and his skin on hers sent them into an overwhelmingly fiery awareness of him. She'd never felt anything like this before, but she felt utterly at home with it, as if the memory of this were planted within her from before she could ever remember. When he pulled away from her, she held fast to him, afraid if he left she would never feel so right again.
"We..." Jamie began, looking down at her hazily, "we..."
Can't, she knew he was trying to say. But the utter conflict in his eyes told her he knew the same thing she did, we can't not.
"How?" she asked quietly, pulling him closer, closing her eyes as the sensations swept over her again.
She wasn't sure how she had even survived without knowing this.
"Don't make me do this," he replied, voice low, "I won't run around with you in secret... I won't mess up what you've got with Teddy. If we're together like that, we'd be doomed from the start."
She felt ill very suddenly. Why did he have to remind her of everything, right when he had made her forget? She felt it then, the weight of all of her lies, it pulled her arms off his shoulders, and made her step away from him. The moment she let go she felt like she might collapse under it. She liked so many of the people she had lied to, she liked them for who they were, she knew some of them were honest with her, and she had shielded herself from all of them. Over the years she had become colder to them, letting so little of herself show that she could barely muster a care in the world for them. Teddy most of all, she had used him and lied to him. She'd lied to him less than she had the rest of them, but he deserved it the least.
"I've already screwed up everything I might have had with Teddy," she admitted quietly, taking a seat heavily in the chair closest to her, "even if I had had something with him though, it wouldn't have been anything like this."
No one knew her truthfully, not one person...save for Jamie. She was so used to the acting, the intricate masquerade, that when Jamie came along he'd tossed everything out of sorts, and suddenly he made her realize she didn't even know herself anymore. She didn't know what that intriguing thing was about him when she'd first seen him, but now it was almost painfully obvious.
He took a seat beside her, watching her silently for a few moments. Marie didn't know what to say.
"Why?" Jamie broke the silence.
"I used him," she replied with a sigh, "I didn't really know I was doing it, but I think he does."
"Used him?"
"I used him to shield me from you."
He furrowed his brows in confusion, and before he could even ask she answered him.
"You! This crazy hurricane force that suddenly made me realize lying about myself was bad! Do you think I ever realized that the only person in the world who really knew me was me?" she exclaimed, weight lifting off her chest at the truth of her words, finally she was speaking her rampant thoughts, "I don't know what you did to me... but you can't make me ignore it now."
He furrowed his brows, watching her with a calculated gaze, "I... I didn't know I was-"
"No," she said quietly, "THIS was... this... whatever it is between us. I knew it the first day, I just didn't really know what it was. Still... don't really know what it is."
She looked away from him, thinking on all the barriers they had yet to cross. There was so much she needed to do before they could be contentedly together, rather than thrown into a horribly tumultuous situation, hoping it would all end well. She wasn't sure which was better, she couldn't bare the thought of enduring all of her friend's ridicule separate from him, but she couldn't bare the thought of the situation ruining what they may have had either. He placed his hand on her knee, and suddenly everything felt calm again. She couldn't survive that without being able to come right back to what they had. He would have to be there when it happened.
"Is this what you really want?" he asked quietly.
"Yes." she assured, grazing his hand with her fingertips.
"If you lose your friends over this... I mean-it's gonna be really hard... I don't want you to go through that without being sure- I don't want you to resent me because of it, I mean if that happens and this doesn't wor-"
"You really think this might not work?"
He smiled slightly, gaze softening, "As we're sitting here planning everything around it."
She laughed, "Exactly."
They were silent for a few moments, conversing in quiet. Whether or not it would work wasn't really a question, the only question was how hard would it be? And what would they have to endure for it? Suddenly they both opened their mouths to speak at the same time, laughing at each-other and themselves.
"You go first." Marie said quickly, still grinning.
Jamie nodded, turning away, smile fading slightly.
"Well... I know it seems like... there aren't but there really are-there are reasons that this might not work," he stumbled quietly, "I don't exactly have a lot of time, and I work a lot and I've got a sister to take care of-and it's not like I wouldn't time. I just, I guess I've got a lot of baggage and I don't want to put that on you."
"So you work a lot, that's nothing we can't work around. And I like your sister! There's no reason we can't have time together with her there-"
"No there are other things..." he began hesitantly, chewing his lip nervously, "I just wanna make sure..."
"I can handle it Jamie." she said firmly, "I mean if worse comes to worse we always have the time after school!"
Jamie winced at her words, "Not anymore."
"What do you mean?" she asked, smile fading.
"My boss got in trouble for letting me work late. I can't work at night anymore, I need to go to work right after school now..."
"Oh," she said quietly, "but, I thought you had a few more days off before you had to work again?"
"Today is the last."
She exhaled heavily, "Well... there's time after you work then!"
He smiled gently, "Yes there is."
After several hours of discussing things, talking everything to death really, Marie felt ready to face it. She was eternally grateful that Jamie understood it would be hard for her, and as long as he was with her she felt she could take anything they had to throw at her. As they went out to the car she held fast to his hand, hoping it would serve as some sort of practice. For some reason, she thought if she let go of him for even a second she might crumble under the weight that heavy face she wore.
"Who's that?" Jamie asked, squinting in the distance.
They stopped short of the parking lot. Britney was leaning against Marie's car, all bundled up and looking rather indignant. Had she been waiting this whole time? Jamie squeezed her hand, unknowingly sending a jolt of assurance through her. This was going to be more practice than she anticipated. Although Marie had been chatting more openly with Britney in these past several weeks, she was not entirely certain how the girl would react. It was hard to imagine anything but disgust from her, despite her apparently changed persona.
"Should I-"
"No of course not." she answered before he even finished.
He grinned widely. She knew he hadn't entirely believed that she would finally face her friends, now would be a small bit of assurance before it all came crashing down. She lunged forward, walking swiftly towards her car, holding fast to Jamie's hand. Britney looked up, finally noticing them, and for a brief moment a shock of fear pierced through her. But the moment she faltered was the moment it disappeared, and before Jamie could speak again she was pulling him towards her car, not even wincing at the look Britney was giving them. When they finally reached the car, Britney stood up straight again, eyeing their linked hands with what could either have been shock or a bit of disgust.
"Can I help you?" Marie said, interrupting that slight glare she was directing at Jamie.
"Boy," she began, laughing slightly, "when you look for revenge, you really look for revenge..."
"What are you talking about?"
Britney raised her eyebrows in surprise, eyeing Jamie warily, "You can't tell me you're not doing this to piss Tyler off... I mean, come on, it's the most obvious thing you could have done!"
Marie frowned deeply, replying acidly, "I don't CARE about Tyler. If I were looking for revenge I would have done something more efficient, like pushing him off a cliff."
Britney stared at her, utterly dumbfounded, "Then... you're with anor-I mean... you're with him... because?"
"I thought you were changed," Marie accused, "I thought you wanted to stop judging people!"
"Well...well yea-I mean," she fumbled, eyeing Jamie again with utter confusion, "I just-I didn't expect..."
"What did you expect then?"
Britney's dark skin tinged pink, fumbling for an answer, "I-don't know... I didn't mean to um..."
Marie glanced at Jamie, almost busting out in fits of giggles at his utterly shocked expression. No one but Marie had witnessed Britney's turn around so far, she had mostly stayed as much under the radar as she could.
"I'm sorry." she said quickly, glancing at Jamie again, "I didn't mean it to sound that way."
Marie nodded in satisfaction, turning to Jamie with a smile, who was still blinking confusedly at Britney. After a few moments, he nodded in acceptance as well.
"Britney," Marie said, "this is Jamie. I don't think you two have really properly met."
"Hi Britney." Jamie said hesitantly, shoving his free hand in his pocket quickly.
"Hi." she replied quickly, awkwardly averting her eyes.
Marie looked back and forth between them, the tension hanging like a thick fog in the air.
"Okay...so, why were you waiting for me?" Marie asked, tone returning to normal.
"Oh, I er... I just wanted to talk to you about something... but you're probably busy."
Marie pursed her lips, "I'll call you later."
With a swift nod Britney hurried away, eyeing Jamie a few more times before turning away completely. They watched her quietly for a few moments, then Marie erupted into giggles.
"You looked SO confused."
Jamie raised his eyebrows still watching Britney leave with an utterly dumbfounded look on his face, "Well...yea! The only time I ever see Britney is when she's teasing us... and she just apologized... for passing judgement?"
"It's a long story." Marie said with a chuckle.
She squeezed his hand in assurance, exhaling with relief. Maybe this really wouldn't be so bad.
"Well," Jamie replied, "I hope the rest are that easy."
Marie drove Jamie and his sister home that night, purposefully driving more slowly so she could have a bit more time with him while Jenna chattered away happily about all the pictures she'd drawn that day. When they finally got there, he invited her inside as Jenna tugged on his sleeve, but she regrettably refused. She had something she had to do, and she didn't have to say it for Jamie to nod knowingly. She stole one more kiss from him before he turned and walked with his sister up to his house, hoping to hold onto it as long as she could as she pulled away and headed towards her next destination. With her stomach twisting in nervous knots, she pulled slowly up to Teddy's house, the sun disappearing behind the tree lines. She'd conceded to talk to him about all of this as soon as possible after Jamie talked to her about it, which meant right after she took him home. However, this sudden decision did nothing for her nerves, for which she usually took plenty of time to prepare. After the car was parked in front of Teddy's house, she sat there for a few moments, wondering what she could possibly say to make this less terrible. She considered trying to think up her words before she went up and knocked on the door, but it wouldn't do any good. No matter how hard she tried nothing ever came of it. A light twinkled at the corner of her vision then, someone had opened Teddy's front door, and was now silhouetted in the bright light as they made their way up to her car. She could guess it was Teddy from his posture and height, otherwise it was quite dark outside, despite the snow still lightly reflecting the tinge of orange in the corners of the sky. When he finally got up to the car the headlights illuminated him a bit, revealing a rather stricken expression. Marie looked away, exhaling heavily, struggling to keep that feeling in her mind. It would keep her brave. Without another moment's thought, she stepped out of the car.
"Hey." Teddy said quietly, avoiding her gaze.
"Hey... is there somewhere we can talk?"
He nodded and started walking up to the house, proceeding up the drive and around the side, crunching in the now hardened snow. She followed him quietly, head bowed, unsure if she should say something. They walked around to his back porch, where sat his parents enjoying a small fire lit in a miniature wood stove. Marie smiled at their coziness, almost sad when Teddy asked them to leave to give he and Marie a few moments alone. His parents nodded, greeting Marie with warm smiles very reminiscent of the endearing one their son had, before hurrying out of the brisk cold in absence of the fire. Teddy took a seat in the cushy chairs they had set up, wrapping the blanket laying there around himself. Marie followed suit, though she was already bundled. The moment she stepped in front of the fire, it's warmth eased her, and after a few moments sitting before it, she just began spilling out the truth. It all happened a lot faster than she had anticipated, she imagined it something like ripping off a bandaid, the faster it was the less the pain. Though, she had mentally prepared herself for a long and awkward several minutes, in which Teddy may interrupt her with accusations, but he stayed quiet until she was done. Which she was very glad for, for in that confession she knew she was telling him about all the people she had lied to, not just him. She'd spent several years convincing herself she was doing anything but lying, but wearing a face like that could be explained no other way, and now was the time to rid herself of it for good.
"I'm sorry Teddy," she said quietly, "I really wanted it to work with you at first, but... I guess it couldn't be helped."
He nodded slowly, seeming to mull over what she had said. She watched him apprehensively, hoping he wouldn't resent her too much. It would be a lie to say she hadn't hoped that he would accept it all in stride and merely offer to be friends, no harm done. When he exhaled heavily, she expected the worst, until he raised his gaze and the expression on his face was far from accusatory.
"It's okay," he replied with a melancholy smile, "I guess... well I guess I kinda knew it wouldn't work from the start."
She raised her eyebrows in surprise. He'd seemed so eager when she had first approached him...
"Some people, you can just tell when they're already... when they're already taken, you know? Then the other day at your house- well, it all kinda made sense."
Marie winced, exhaling heavily, "Well, you sure knew before I did."
"It's okay," he replied, sitting back in his cozy chair and eyeing the fire, "I hear that happens most times."
"Most times?"
"Ya know, love makes us blind. Well, I can't say I've heard about love blinding us from love, but I'd imagine it happens."
She flushed a deep scarlet, that familiar giddy sensation bubbling up inside her at his words.
"Well anyway," he said, leaning forward, "still friends?"
She grinned happily at him, pulling him into a tight hug, "Yes!"
He chuckled at her enthusiasm, hugging her back for a few moments before pulling away cheeks flushed slightly. They both sat in silence for a while after that, trying to settle into this new term. It was going to be difficult to get used to a totally platonic friendship when they had started with more. At least they had only been dating a month or so. Marie couldn't help but take extreme comfort in the fact that she now had a friend, a real friend, and knowing that made what she was going to face seem a little less terrifying.
"Oh!" Teddy exclaimed suddenly, "I've been meaning to tell you... I dunno if you know or not yet, but Aiden's in the hospital!"
Marie stared at him wide eyed, unprepared for this sudden news, "What?! But.. why?!"
Teddy shook his head, expression turning heavy, "The school's keeping it hush hush but I heard he got attacked, almost died too. I don't know why yet... but it'd be an awful coincidence, this happening right after the dance."
Suddenly those happy giddy butterflies in her stomach turned to acid, as her mind immediately traveled to that curious day, when Josh interrupted their session with a horribly grave expression on his face, "You think that's the reason? Really?"
"I don't know why else," Teddy replied darkly, "I don't know a single person in our school who even dislikes him, let alone would want to attack him."
"Is he okay now?"
Teddy shrugged slightly, a deep frown on his face, "I dunno, he hasn't been in school since it was rumored to happen..."
The heavy cloud seemed to settle again, the cloud that reminded her there were bigger things to fear than whether or not her friends would approve of her. That ominous haze began to hover the moment that knife was pulled out of Tyler's pocket, but now she couldn't shake the feeling it was only the beginning of something much worse to come. She quickly bade Teddy goodbye, apologizing and thanking him several times again for being so understanding. And after she found out from him what hospital Aiden was supposed to be at, she hurried back to her car, shivering in the blast of cold that hit her when she left the warm protection of the fire. Her insides were squirming uncomfortably. Why all of a sudden did she feel so uneasy? Why all of a sudden was the real world beginning to creep into their small closed minded town? She tried to shake it off as she turned on the car and began down the road, but the feeling was so deep seated in her no amount of convincing could sate it. What could possibly happen?
Marie trudged toward the school the following morning, yawning several times as she made what seemed to be the longest trip up to school she had ever made. She'd been woken continuously throughout the night by odd nightmares, most of which she guessed were inspired by her obsessive worrying over the strange feeling she had. All she could think about before she fell asleep that night was what it could be, and despite all her tossing and turning nothing had yielded an answer. She frowned bitterly as her mind began to mill about with questions again, dragging in her morning grog.
"Go away." she mumbled, yawning again.
She'd finally reached the sidewalk, which was scratchy with chemical salt when her phone vibrated suddenly, awaking her momentarily in surprise. With a groan she began diggin frantically through her purse to find it. It was Britney. With a few moment's thought, she decidedly dropped her phone back in her purse, a little ticked off at the way Britney had treated the situation, and Jamie, yesterday. She would call her back later, maybe. As she walked inside and down the hall, several of the few people there watched her intently, with the same confused glance as Britney had brandished the following day. She blinked at them, wondering if it was from her brief venture into the 'forbidden' wing of the school as she dropped off her things at her locker. Upon closer inspection she was almost certain some of them had been the onces eyeing her as they left the art room. Shrugging it off in her sleepy haze, she hurried to her first class of the day. Today was Marie's most boring schedule of the week, which wasn't entirely conducive to her lack of brain function. So, she took a seat in the back and whipped out her sketchbook, covering it with her arm as students began to file in. She immediately flipped open to a doodled portrait she'd done of Jamie. He often had the tendency to make certain faces in accordance with what he was painting, and how happy he was with it. He'd been mid painting something he was terribly happy with when she caught him holding that smile of his, and with much amusement she began to doodle him, inable to resist. She stared at it for a good few moments, pondering on tomorrow. They had decided that the following day would be their 'official' revealing, as tomorrow was the day they all had lunch at the same time. Though lunch break was probably the most difficult time to have done this, Marie could hardly imagine what it would feel like with all those eyes burning into them, but it would be far better in that everyone would know at once, and thus little word of mouth and hopefully far less rumors would spread. The rumors were what she was most afraid of, Birtney had Jen had concocted many a lie and embellished many a truth in hopes of destroying someone they were not fond of. Rumors were the quiet killer at their school. Marie took a deep breath, nerves rattled at the thought, and looked down at her portrait. In an instant the fears were gone. She could do this. They were only words, and she refused to let words keep them apart.
The day dragged on as Marie trudged from class to class, sitting in the back, and oddly isolated from her usual group of 'alternate' friends. No popular girl could be in a class without at least one 'friend', but today Marie did not want to speak to anyone. She wasn't sure if it was because she was utterly exhausted, or if it was because she felt like the next moment she put on that face again would be the moment she finally suffocated from it. Whatever it was, it kept her from noticing the odd looks people were giving her, and the strangely large amounts of people whispering back and forth and passing notes. When lunch finally came, she considered skipping it all together, knowing today was one of the days their entire table was full with the most popular of the crowd, but skipping this would bring about a suspicion she was not ready to quell. And so, with heavy feet she walked to the lunchroom, taking so long she was the only remaining student in the hall. When she reached the door, she inhaled and exhaled deeply, wondering if her facade would be any kind of convincing today, before swinging open the door, remembering the band-aid theory that had worked so well with Teddy. Nothing prepared her for the moment she stepped inside though, because when she did, the entire lunch room fell eerily silent. She froze, feeling the color drain from her face slightly, eyeing the people watching her, then began walking towards the table, their eyes following her as she went.
"Where are you going?"
Marie raised her eyebrows as Jen walked quickly up to her, eyes narrowed to slits.
"Going to sit down." she said warily.
"We don't sit with sluts." Tyler said as he walked up behind her, chuckling with the rest of the crowd.
"What did you just call me?" Marie asked slowly, voice low.
"I just called you what you ARE." he replied loudly, looking around to make sure everyone could hear, "A SLUT."
Marie stared hard at them, slowly dawning on her what was happening.
"First you slept with me, then you slept with that Teddy guy, now you're sleeping with all the goth fagboys over there."
"I am NOT-"
"Don't lie about it!" Jen said venomously, "we KNOW you did. Straight from the source!"
Marie looked around, feeling a sudden intense vertigo as she all the eyes began to bore into her. Who could have told them? The only person she could think of... was Sam! Sam must have ratted her out!
"I saw you with him!" Jen accused, "I was trying to be a good friend, I told you..."
"A good friend wouldn't lie about what she saw, or rather didn't see!" Marie bit back quickly, heart beginning to race with panic.
"A good friend wouldn't sneak around sleeping with, and cheating on, a bunch of guys either."
Marie stared around at them, in utter shock at what was happening. It wasn't supposed to happen this way, it wasn't supposed to happen this way at all! They were supposed to come clean, right away, no room for rumors and trash talk like this. Everyone would see it, she wouldn't hide from anything, he would hold her hand so tight she would forget that any of this once mattered to her... why wasn't he here! She whipped her head around to Jamie's usual table, despite the fact that his lunch period was different from hers today, but the one person there was already hurrying towards her.
"Leaver her alone!" Josh spat venomously as he hurried up behind her, "Just because you sleep with every girl in the entire school, and the one girl you actually want wants nothing to do with your sorry ass, doesn't mean-"
"I thought you were a faggot!" Tyler exclaimed with a laugh, "What, did she do you too?"
"What the hell-" Josh growled, face rouging.
"Don't!" Marie said, backing away as her stomach twisted into sickening knots, "Just stop it..."
Then, upon glancing at the table she was once welcomed, she realized there was only one head turned away in the entire room. Her full raven black locks were partially blocking her face, but there was no hiding the shame radiating off of her as she held her head low, eyes averted, shaking it slightly as the crowd around her laughed. Marie turned away quickly, not ready to face this. Her ears began to ring as the taunts and trash talk continued. She suddenly felt like she'd been thrown into a pit of ice cold water, as she walked numbly toward the door, wondering how on earth she could be moving when her body seemed completely numb.
"Marie!" Josh exclaimed, voice breaking through the deafening ring as he hurried after her.
"Leave me alone!" she exclaimed hoarsely "You'll make it worse!"
He stopped immediately, letting her scurry out the doors and down the hall.
"What are you doing in the hall duri-"
"I'M SICK!" she cried forcibly, rushing past the hall monitor.
She needed to get to her car, that was all. Get to her car and this would all be over-with. She could go home and sleep, and forget this ever happened. Or, maybe she was already asleep, dreaming as she tossed and turned, but home nonetheless, cozy in her warm bed. Then, like only he would do, Jamie stepped out of a classroom door, bathroom pass in hand. She froze when she saw him, shocked in the wake of her senses returning to her. And among the horribly singing embarrassment and searing pain of the words they'd branded her with, anger rose up in her, at the one person she shouldn't have felt it for. Why hadn't he been there!? If he had been there... if he had only been there...
"Marie?" Jamie said softly, spotting her standing frozen in the hallway a few feet from him.
She didn't respond. The sight of him woke her, just as it had the very first time. But she didn't want it now... not now, she wasn't ready to handle this, not now when she was blissfully convinced she had just had another nightmare. When he saw the look on her face he hurried up to her, brows furrowed with concern. He studied her carefully for a few moments, before reaching up to cup her cheek.
"Are you okay?" he asked firmly, "What happened?"
She bit her lip, struggling to quell the sudden burst of sensation he sent through her with that touch, ripping open another flood gate she was not ready for. Her chest ached with the effort of holding it back. She couldn't stand it, it was too much now, she didn't want to feel this.
"Don't." she stated shortly, pushing him away.
He stepped back from her immediately, right when she felt that first tear slide down her cheek.
"What happened?" Jamie asked more urgently, visibly resisting touching her again.
She clenched her jaw, trying and failing miserably to swallow the lump in her throat. It took her several moments of composing herself before she could open her mouth to speak, and even then she still could not hold it back anymore.
"You weren't there." she sobbed quietly, cursing inwardly as another several tears rolled down her cheeks.
He reached forward to embrace her but she stepped away quickly and began sprinting down the hall. She heard him running after her, and the moment she reached the doors she turned back to him.
"Don't!"
He stopped, watching her with a deep frown, trying desperately to read the tear-stains on her face. She turned away the moment she realized he was trying to find her again. The last thing she wanted was to be pulled out of the safe shell she'd hidden in. Without another word she headed towards her car, gasping when the cold blast of air tore the wind from her lungs, she'd left all of her winter garb in her locker. She continued however, wanting anything but to return to that school where he stood waiting for her, glad when she could no longer hear his feet pounding after her. When she finally reached the car she yanked open the door and tore her keys from her purse, glad for once she brought the nuisance with her everywhere. The car groaned in protest as she squealed out of the parking lot without a moment to warm it up, but all she was concerned with was putting as much distance as she could between her and the dreadful nightmare that had just transpired.
"A nightmare." she confirmed with a trembling voice, wiping the tears from her face indignantly, "It was only a nightmare."
